Think You Understand Relationships? Think Again.

Love Doesn't Follow the Rules of Logic

Relationships feel intuitive. Your emotions feel real. And you trust your instincts.

But relationships and emotions are anything but intuitive. Your feelings are real, but they aren’t always true. And instincts are often based on a faulty autopilot.

Most of us assume we’ll recognize unhealthy dynamics when we see them. If something is wrong, it’ll feel wrong. If someone is manipulating us, we’ll know it. If a relationship is unhealthy, it’ll have problems.

Right?

Unfortunately, that’s not how any of this works.

The nervous system prioritizes survival. It doesn’t care if you’re happy—it only cares that you’re safe.

This makes the nervous system incredibly good at convincing you that confusing situations make sense, harmful dynamics are normal, you’re not good enough for someone, or genuine love is dangerous. And you will believe whatever it tells you.

Because it does not matter how smart you are.

Your nervous system is smarter.

The Public Discourse

In today’s world, we have access to all the knowledge we could ever imagine. Unfortunately, we’re also inundated with misinformation.

If it’s on the internet, it must be true, obviously.

Especially if it’s on social media. That’s where a lot of relationship “advice” circulates. Some of it is credible. Most of it is not.

The problem is people don’t know what to believe, so they often believe whatever resonates with them and dismiss what doesn’t. It becomes an echo chamber reinforcing unhealthy soundbites.

Relationship advice is often oversimplified to the point of being wrong—or even harmful. Some ideas might technically be true, but they’re horribly misrepresented or expressed as universal truths when they’re actually circumstantial.

It’s all buzzwords and clickbait.

To be honest, even a lot of the “good” content is less than helpful. So much of it emphasizes moral validation and focuses on surface level things like identifying red flags, setting boundaries, diagnosing narcissism, understanding triggers, or giving quick advice about what people “should” do.

These ideas aren’t objectively bad, but the average consumer has no clue how to figure out which relationship content to trust—or what might be missing from the conversation altogether.

To be fair, it’s pretty hard. We try to think logically, but this is a topic where traditional logic often leads to the wrong conclusions.

So What’s My Point?

People want this information—it’s in high demand.

Unfortunately, the supply sucks.

We need better content, better commentary, and better myth-busters. We need unpopular opinions and unfiltered reality. So I started a blog.

You’re welcome.

But there’s another pressing issue that almost no one talks about. The majority of unhealthy relationship content focuses almost entirely on toxic dynamics and overt abuse.

But the vast majority of unhealthy relationships are not toxic or abusive. In fact, most of them are loving relationships between two partners that genuinely care for one another.

True story.

People stay in relationships for a lot of wrong reasons. Maybe they dread single life, feel too old to start over, or are running out of time before their ovaries tell them to fuck off.

Whatever the reason, it unintentionally creates quiet dysfunction that slowly eats away at one or both partners. These dynamics also have an unusual ability to expand the harm beyond the couple, often leaving others damaged in their wake.

And virtually no one is talking about this. So I want to get that conversation started.

But Can You Trust Me?

Content creators almost all claim to be educated experts and have the best information, even when that’s wildly inaccurate. So why believe me?

Because I’m an educated expert and I have the best information.

Trust me.

All kidding aside, if you want my full credentials, you can find them here and here. But the most relevant thing I can tell you is that from 2023–2024, I conducted one of the first academic studies focused entirely on emotional manipulation and the mechanisms that drive it. And it turns out we may be looking at unhealthy relationships all wrong.

I also presented my research at the world’s largest psychological conference (APA, Denver 2025). Since then, my study has been downloaded over 1400 times across 73 countries (and growing), and has been cited in other academic publications. #braggingrights

One might say I know some things.

And I want you to know them too.

This blog will be mostly commentary and myth busting, but if you want a deeper educational experience, I also have a platform called UNRAVEL that explains relationship psychology in great detail. If you don’t know where to start, there are 5 Journeys that walk you through the full cycle of unhealthy relationships, your own patterns, and ways to support a friend.

And it’s written in clear, relatable language.

There’s no jargon there. No unnecessarily complicated language. No 7 syllable words. (Wait…Neu-ro-plas-tic-i-ty. Phew, only 6.)

One Last Thing, and This is Pretty Important

A lot of relationship content is built around blame and moral validation.

Who’s toxic.
Who’s the victim.
Who’s right.
Who’s to blame.

That’s not what I do.

My goal is to help people better understand their patterns and relationships, not to judge them. I want to reduce shame, not add to it. So I explain what’s happening, how and why it works, and the harm it can cause.

But I focus on the behavior, not what it may or may not say about the person.

There are no heroes or villains in my work.

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Want to test how well you can spot emotional manipulation? Take the quiz.

Feedback is encouraged and always appreciated, even if it’s negative!
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